The thing is to not get consumed with whatever you face in life, and to not let fear rob your whole being away, afraid of what life might bring, even in the future. Perhaps, perhaps I have been letting those feelings consume me too much, too much that sometimes I’d want to go somewhere far away where no one knows and oblivious of. To wake up with that anguish feeling eating up in my stomach, with my heart throbbing, with intermittent cramps, makes me feel nauseous and it's like I'm about to throw up. For some reasons, this being doesn’t even know why. Sometime it happens all of a sudden. It’s starting to take a toll on me, those feelings and weird sensations just slowly creeps up all over on my whole being, getting a grip on my blood, sending a shock to my head and heart. It’s funny, sometimes I get high, and sometimes I get really low.
Have you ever felt this way?
Choices. Possibilities. Decisions. I think that life is all about choices, you can choose the light or the dark, to fight or to withdraw, to love or to hurt, to keep on running or hiding, to be a do-er or a watch-er, to live your life or just let it pass by. You know, at times it feels as if I am just standing in the middle of a road, wondering if I should continue crossing it or to just stand there with my eyes closed. Myriad number of wild thoughts, morbid thoughts, peculiar thoughts, those fantasies, and the harsh reality flashes into my mind then.
When all along I just want to find myself, who I really am. Somehow or somewhat, this is challenging when you have yet to figure out who you are, what you are doing in life, what, or who do you really want to be or to achieve in life, where you are heading towards, what you are running to, and away from. It fazes me when these thoughts keep running in my mind constantly just like a rush of bullet trains. Why is it that I just can’t look at the good that is surrounding me instead of just running and wandering aimlessly? Running around too much, wandering around aimlessly. Too many questions; with not much answers. But still, I shall keep on asking questions. Curiosity.
Yes, it is easy to say to take it easy, but it will never be easy, given that we’re living in this crazy world, which is so easy for us to get caught up in. We all have fears and doubts, even self-doubts lying deep beneath our skin, and sometimes it can just eat us up. Those monstrous fears and doubts still lie within, yet I am fighting the battle, but we can never give into the darkness. Everyday life is, and still a struggle, but just know that all happenings have reasons behind it, and that it will eventually help us in life. From now on, I shall take life one day at a time, with no pressure to conform.
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